I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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