Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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