I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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