I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
