rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was like eating out sand paper
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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