I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
