STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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