My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
