It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
