you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
