Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
