so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
