the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
