6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
