woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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