I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
