the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize