You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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