Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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