If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
