Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
