Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
