the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
