He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
