Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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