Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
