my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
