It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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