Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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