my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
