dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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