don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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