You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
