Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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