Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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