How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
