I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
