Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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