I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
