It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
