I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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