Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
