It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
