Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
