The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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