I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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