Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.