so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES