im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
only you would photoshop your dick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
