I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.