I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
