i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
