I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The Olympian is in my bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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