please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
