would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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