i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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