We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
