At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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