Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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