woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
