dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
