Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
