Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
