woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hello my rib-scented angel!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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