i just had sex bonerless
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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