So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
