I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That was an excessively violent trivia night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
