end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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