He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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