guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
