definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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