break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
