You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
