He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
