His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
