so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
