addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
