then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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