I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
