he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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