Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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