The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
