I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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