Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
