dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize