I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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