I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
