i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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